MY TRUTH THAT OVERCOMES MY FEELINGS

I probably won’t remember things people say to me or do for me.  But I almost always remember how I felt when I was in their presence; and often that is the most difficult to forget and forgive if it was a negative experience.  Feelings seem to bury themselves deep inside and can be easily triggered by a memory or being in a similar situation.  For me the worst are the feelings of coming in second in a race, feeling less important than someone else in a room, made to feel disrespected, being bullied or controlled against my will or wishes, or just being ignored.  I would suspect that everyone has felt one or all of these feelings at some point in their life; but if one has been surrounded by these feelings consistently throughout their life, real damage can be done to their soul.

One of the reasons I love to read the Bible is because I can see all the various aspects of my personality and characteristics in the people I read about.  Peter, so anxious to please, often speaking before thinking, messing up a lot, and making a fool of himself in the eyes of others; John, so secure as to lay close to Jesus at the last supper and to stand with Jesus’ mother at the cross; Mary Magdalene, staying close to her master from start to finish of the crucifixion and resurrection, and hear him speak her name with love and respect, even though she was seen as a woman of ill repute.  All of these people and more came into contact with Jesus and found only love in his response to them, no matter what their story was.  All they felt was good in his Presence.

I spend too much time and energy either judging others or justifying myself.  My rational explanations can be used to prove any point true, especially when it justifies behavior I want to keep doing, even if it is wrong.  It’s exhausting and it’s wasted exertion of energy.

In the end I am responsible for my relationship with God. That is a decision I do not take lightly. The Bible, the Church, and other people can have some influence, but in the end it’s me and God and my choice.  God has always given people a choice when it comes to following Him.  “I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse.  Therefore choose life…” (Deuteronomy 30:15-20).

Once I make that choice; once I make that decision, I am to live it, no matter what anyone says to judge me, or justify me, or define me.  That choice and decision is between me and God.  From that point on I look to God for how I am to order my life; not culture, not the Church, not other people and their relationship with God.  “When Peter saw him he said to Jesus, ‘Lord, what about this man?’  Jesus said to him, ’If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you?  You follow me” (John 21:20-22).

I choose YOU God.  It is only in Your Presence that I feel forever and eternally love, accepted, respected, and affirmed, even when I mess up and fall short; especially when I mess up and fall short.  I choose You now and forever.  You are my Truth that overcomes all feelings.