John’s Gospel has
always been the one I love to read the most.
There seems to be more of a heart connection in its words and
teachings. In me that renders more of a
mystical sense that a rational understanding.
John knew and loved Jesus in a very close and intimate way, just as I
do; and his writing reveals that and speaks to me in a very close and intimate
way, right to my soul.
God speaks to me
through all of the Scriptures, no matter how much humans have interfered with
them. The Holy Spirit teaches me through
all of them, no matter what humans have done to them. To me the Scriptures are important and
absolutely necessary in how I order my mind and my life. There is an above and beyond the physical
words and that is the Word, God himself.
That is why I listen carefully, not only for the revelation of God’s
love for me and all he created, but also for his conviction and correction that
helps me grow and become all that I am meant to be.
Today as I read
about the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18, I was faced with one of those
moments of conviction and correction. It
was no surprise because my Achilles heel had been irritated by the recent
happenings at PH this week. I am quick
to raise my ‘righteous’ sword. My
reaction is strongly rooted in my history with my father. I know how much my life was affected by
wrongs that were never dealt with. This
present culture would say I am justified in my anger. Jesus says something different. It is from the perspective of how much I have
been forgiven by God that I need to forgive others. That is no easy task, especially in these
days where justice and righting perceived wrongs is a battle cry for rebellion
and revolution. It’s not that we
shouldn’t try to make things right; it’s how we do that, and what the
motivation behind our actions truly is.
Mostly we end up acting out of the same motivation as the ones we are
trying to correct. That usually ends up
keeping the behavior going but just changing the players.
In a lot of these
situations the motivation is usually about power. Those who strongly oppose power being exerted
over those who are powerless generally then become a power in themselves and
usually go down the same trail as those who went before them, the ones they
overthrew. I saw this at GOB. Those in leadership, who stood against the
organized church, weren’t so much against the organization of the church; they
just wanted to be the Pope.
If I am called to
offer correction to someone or some situation, I need to come in the right
spirit and with the right motivation.
“Forgive me, as I forgive others.”
This takes prayer and deep humility on my part and this is often
difficult for me. But I know it is
true. So I continue my quest to learn to
silence my reaction in the flesh and wait until I can respond in the
Spirit. (I want my reactive Peter side
to yield to my contemplative responsive John side.)
In the end it
always comes down to the one question that Jesus first asked his disciples
recorded in John 1:38. “What are you
seeking?” His answer as, “Come and you
will see.” Am I seeking to be the
‘righter of all wrongs’, a ‘champion of justice’, a ‘defender of the underdog’? The world would see these as worthy
goals. But that is not what I am
seeking. I am seeking You.
I am seeking the
One who IS the true righter of wrongs; who IS the true champion of justice; who
IS the defender of the underdog. He
knows all there is to know in order to truly bring these things about. It is in being in relationship with him and
in communion with him that I will learn his way of being all these things. It is in following him that I will see. It is in following him that I will respond. It is in following him that I will find all
that I seek.
Make me a woman of
silence and prayer in all that I think and in all that I do. Help me respond to your voice alone. Help me to speak out of the holy silence, out
of Your abundant love.
Query: What are you seeking?
What are you speaking out of?
Are you reacting or responding?
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