The Greatest Freedom Ever

                                           Hebrews 4:12-17

I wish I was perfect.  It would make my life much easier.  But, I’m not.  My suspicion is that as long as I am in this fleshly body it will be a nag and interfere with the holiness and perfection I long to have.  Thankfully I can say that on most days I am better than I was when I was at my worst; but that doesn’t bring me to where I want to be.

My body and mind are great reactors.  I hear something, read something, see something, and BOM, I go into full attack or defense mode.  It doesn’t matter whether or not what I hear, read, or see has anything at all to do with me, I am right there at full attention ready to attack or defend.  I find that in this mode I have no compassion, mercy, or patience.  I just go for the sword and start wielding it.  After all that energy is used up, I sit, come to my senses, and then the self attack begins; “Some lover of Jesus I am!”, “Way to demonstrate my contemplative self!”. “What a hypocrite!”.  After a while of sitting and feeling badly eventually my compassionate, merciful, and patient self appears and ministers first to whatever or whoever I attacked and then eventually to myself.  I compose myself, find my center, and get on with my life.  This is a pattern God and I have worked on for many years.

God has helped me with this first by helping me see and know this is a deeply rooted, life long pattern that requires patience.  He has also helped me with this by giving me spiritual disciplines that require practice. To get to the root of my pattern I work at discovering and uncovering why these things that I react so strongly to matter to me.  That requires some digging up of my past experiences throughout my life.  It means being open and vulnerable to the hidden discoveries and receptive to the healing touch that God provides as He walks with me through my past.  He made me and was with me throughout that time so He’s the best companion to have as I retrace my life.

The two greatest spiritual disciplines that God provided as tools are stillness and silence.  When I feel that reactive energy start to rise I speak to it and say, “Be still and know that God is God”.  This gives me the perspective to look at things correctly, knowing that God is hearing, reading, and seeing what I am and has it under control.  Knowing that I stay silent and allow the Spirit that is within me to trump my fleshly reaction and help me respond appropriately, with reason, respectfulness, compassion, and mercy.

I am not perfect, but patience with myself and practice of the Spiritual disciplines are at work moving me closer to my goal.  I find the truth that God lives and works within me and nothing I do, say, or think is hidden from Him a great comfort and a great freedom to be who I truly am.