THE CHOICE IS ALWAYS MINE

A frightening thought for me is that the same thing that makes me up is the same thing that makes up people who can go into a Baptist Church on Sunday with a rifle and randomly kill 26 people and wound 20+ others, or shoot and kill people while hiding in the trunk of a car, or shoot and kill people from a hotel window, or blast a bomb and kill people at a Marathon.  The same stuff that cause some people to have no respect for life and kills innocent people from babies to elders without any reason at all.  It's the same stuff that disregards morals, disobeys God's rules, and totally lives for oneself and dismisses the feelings and beliefs of others.  It's the "I Can Do Whatever I Want" Syndrome and it is spreading like wildfire these days and everyone is at risk of catching it because the seed is within all human beings.

The only difference in me is that I made an intentional decision to have a "Yes I Can/No I Can't switch
installed in me that is plugged into the Conscience Button that God originally installed in me.  When those feelings that I can do whatever I want come, and they do come, I switch from Yes I can to No I can't, because God said so. The commands are His, but  the choice is always mine.

Most of the time being a follower of Jesus and one who walks with God is a most wonderful thing for me.  Surrounded by His Presence and enjoying all of the fruit of the Spirit...there is nothing sweeter or more delightful.  But there are times when it is the most difficult thing to do.  Those times are when I can't do the bad things I want to do, things that go against what God would have me do and has told me not to.

The ICDWIWTD Syndrome is a  conflict of wills and it is always mine that must be surrendered.  That isn't easy to do.  Knowing that I have control of the "Yes I Can/No I Can't switch makes it even harder.  The choice is mine and so are the consequences.

This week it wasn't the normal wanting to do 'bad things', like steal something.  It was harboring a vicious, revengeful feeling against someone who senselessly killed people and got away with it by killing himself.  People who cause that much havoc and suffering in the lives of innocent people deserve The Smite Button, in my opinion, and I want to push that Smite Button and do unto him as he did unto others, in spite of what I know to be true about God and the teachings of Jesus.  I just wanted to turn in my "Christian Card" for awhile and imagine all the ways I could make this guy suffer and feel the pain he inflicted in others.  That is what was going through my head for awhile until I came to my senses.

All that imagination really showed me is that this senseless killer and I are made up of the same stuff.  The only difference is that I eventually pushed the "No you can't" on the switch inside me and then settled down and tightened the Yoke that I freely and willingly wear as I walk along side of Jesus.
I realized that this is the area I most need His help in and He is there to give it, because He grieves right along side of me.

All killing affects me deeply but the killing of innocent people affects me most of all.  Abortion and terrorist acts are so common today, and it all pains me deeply.  The thing that helps the most is that God, very clearly one day, told me He truly understands the pain of violence forced on innocent people.  He watched His innocent Son suffer a senseless death at the hands of human beings, so He gets it.

I eventually find my way back to where I should be and want to be, in my heart and in my head.  Back to that place of compassion and knowing God is ultimately in control of how things work out in the end.  My soul finds that place of silence and trust in the situation.  But it is never easy.  The temporal present clouds over the everlasting eternal where all things are consummated, and made right.
I believe God created us with a conscience.  But a conscience can be influenced by outside forces.  The  Yes/No switch is totally in my control. God told Cain, "If you do what is right, will you not be accepted?"  It is my my choice, and I choose to do well, using the Yes I can/No I can't button responsibly and pleasingly to God.