PRAYER MEMOIR

I am not much of a pray-er in the traditional sense. I don’t sit down and fold my hands before I eat and say grace, I don’t feel comfortable standing up in a prayer circle for group prayer, and I don’t go through all the procedures that Richard Foster talks about in his book on Prayer. For some reason it seems artificial to me. Not that others are artificial when they do those things, but I feel artificial and uncomfortable when praying with others. I don’t know why. I love God with all my heart, soul, and mind. I feel his Presence with me all the time. I commune with him about everything I do. When I am listening to others share their heart with me I feel connected to them and to God. But offering to pray verbally with them or for them is not my response. Thankfully the Quakers have given me something that I can say with true meaning…”I will hold you in the Light.”
And I do.
I talk to God all the time. I don’t call it prayer. It’s like talking to a friend that is right there with me. We talk about life; about what is going on with me, what is going on with my family and friends, and certainly about what is going on in the world today. I carry people in my heart when I know they are going through a tough time. I suppose that is what others may consider prayer, but for me it’s just being in communion with the one I love best. It would seem strange to me to all of a sudden stop and say, “Ok God, now I am going to pray to you.”
It’s not that I haven’t experienced the traditional experiences of prayer. At one time I had a notebook all divided into the different sections of types of prayers; petition, intercession, healing, and so on. I listed the names and circumstances of friends, family, and the world in the proper section and methodically went through the notebook faithfully every day.
When I shared with other people my “prayer practice” they were impressed. For me it soon became an empty exercise and I stopped it. Maybe it was the form that bothered me. I am a “You don’t know which way the wind blows…” type of individual and have difficulty with most forms.
Being in ministry and being expected to lead the prayers always made me nervous. Again I was saved by the Quakers and would lead the group in a time of silence. That I am totally comfortable with and nothing feels artificial about it at all. Again, I don’t know why that is, but it is.
I have been doing some speculating as to why vocal and form prayer feels artificial to me. It could be my mother (the scapegoat for all my problems). She has said the same grace at every meal for all of my sixty-three years. “Dear God, we thank you for this food. Bless it to our use and us to thy service. Keep us all together as a happy family. Amen”. That is all she has ever said. As my brothers and sisters have gotten older we try to spark it up a bit, like doing a prayer wave around the table. We all think it’s funny…my mom, not so much. Then she threatens that we will have to say grace next time, so we behave ourselves. Maybe that is where the artificial feel comes from.
I was also part of a charismatic church where they pray loudly anywhere and everywhere. Most of the time I would just hang my head and hope no one saw me. I saw a lot of phoniness, like one minute they would be sincerely into talking to a person and praying for them and then when we were going home they would say something awful about the person. It just made me feel bad and certainly distrustful of those who did the praying.
Maybe this is where the artificial feel comes from.
For me prayer is simply being in God’s Presence and I have things that I do that are set apart from my daily comings and goings. I have what I call a “Morning Watch” every morning for at least an hour, longer if time allows. I read the Bible, meditate on what I am reading, and then journal. I have done this Practice for 37 years and only emergencies have kept me from doing it. During the day there will be moments when I just feel like sitting and doing nothing, no thoughts or brilliant ideas, but I feel a nudge from God and so I respond. These are things I guess I could call prayer but I don’t.
I feel a leading to be more intentional with a Practice of Centering Prayer. Of course…it’s silent. I can do silent. So I will be looking more into that and incorporating that into my Practice and schedule. Then I can say that I intentionally pray in a traditional way and I will become a pray-er.

"They Take Their Sides...I Take My Stand"

They take their sides and there they stand
Dug in deep to their ideologies
Facts fight facts
Opinions overcome opinions
But from neither side comes a welcoming helping hand.

They take their sides and there they stand
They can’t move forward, they’re stuck in pride
Hate harms harmony
Cursing ceases creativity
Distress is heard throughout the land.

I won’t take sides but I’ll take a stand
It won’t be left, it won’t be right
I stand in love on
Christ’s solid Rock
All other else is shifting sand.

THE POWER IN GOD'S WORD

“You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.”
Deuteronomy 6:11

Somehow, to me, this has always meant that I should not swear using God’s name. But now I think it means more than that. When I am angry enough to say ‘God damn you’, I really don’t mean for God to do that. I am just expressing my anger. But my words should be true. When I say God heal you, or God bless you, I truly want God to do just that; and the promise of God is that he will do what we ask. That makes it not only wise, but down right crucial that I watch what I say when I speak.

Vain: unsuccessful; futile; conceited (self importance; vanity).

This world is filled with words. “Everybody’s talking at me; I can’t hear a word they’re saying.” TV has words being spoken 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. News, sit coms, talk shows, weather, preachers, religious shows; it all becomes one drone of empty, powerless words that deafen my ears. Sacred, secular, no difference. “Everybody’s talking at me; I can’t hear a word they’re saying.” Too much, too many makes them all meaningless.

God’s words are more then empty air fillers. They have life energy, creative energy in them. ‘God said…and there was.’ They have healing energy in them. ‘Take up your bed and walk.’ They have resurrection energy in them. ‘Lazarus, come forth.’ That powerful energy of words is given as a promise to those who believe in Jesus. “Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son” (John 14:14). Saying God damn you and not expecting that to be fulfilled would be taking God’s name in vain.

Another way of taking God’s name in vain is speaking God’s words for him, without one first hearing what God says to the speaker. There is a lot of ‘God said this, and God said that; God promises this and God promises that; God’s going to do this and God’s going to do that,’ these days. But look at the condition of our world, our communities, our homes, our selves. Are those words, acclaimed to God, producing good fruit, or are they building up the reputations and glorifying those who are speaking them?


For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven
and do not return there but water the earth,
making it bring forth and sprout,
giving seed to the sower
and bread to the eater,
so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;
it shall not return to me empty,
but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,
and shall succeed in the thing
for which I sent it.
Isaiah 55:10, 11

God’s name and his words are full of energy and they are powerful. I need to be mindful and watchful of the words I say and the words I write, especially when they are connected to God’s name.

THE REAL DEAL

Deuteronomy 6:4-7

The motivation for obedience to the commandments of God is LOVE. God’s love for all people was demonstrated and manifested by his Son, Jesus. My love for God is demonstrated and manifested by my obedience to his words and teachings. I am not forced to do this; it is my desire to obey because of my love, which is in response to God’s love for me. It’s an internal response, not an external requirement. God’s law is written on my heart, not doctrines and creeds, not faith and practices, not a book of Discipline. God’s pure word of Spirit and Truth resides within me and will bring forth the fruit of obedience, joy, and peace. All else is a secondary source; helpful, but not the primary source.

My life is simple when I eat and drink from the primary source; organic rather than prepackaged, predigested, or premeditated by another source. When I am mindful of God in all I think, say, and do I will be open to his communication with me as I walk through my day. When I am watchful I will see God in nature, in other people, and in all the situations throughout my day. When I seek out the essence, the essentials of life, and rid myself of the lifeless distractions that scream out for my attention on a daily basis, I will live a true life. Protecting and staying true to my roots, pruning all the unnecessary excess, I will find a sustainable foundation on which to grow. Out of that sustainable foundation to my life, the fruit of the Spirit will grow true and will flourish.

MY HEART IS FIRM...MY FLESH CRUMBLES

Jesus was secure in who he was. “I am the bread of life; I am the light of the world; I am the good shepherd; I am the resurrection and the life; I am the way, the truth, and the life.” Even in his most difficult of situations, when the soldiers came to arrest him, he boldly responded, “I am he.” There was no fear, no hesitation, no defense; just a simple “I am he.”

Peter, the rock, the one who several times boldly proclaimed his love and his loyalty to Jesus, succumbed to fear of the situation, and when pointed out as being one of Jesus’ disciples boldly proclaimed three times, “I am not.” Three times he denied even knowing this man he had loved and followed for three years. Matthew records in his gospel that after the third time, after the rooster crowed just as Jesus said it would, Peter wept bitterly. His bold proclamation of “Though they all fall away, I will never fall away. Even if I must die with you, I will not deny you (Matthew 26:33, 34).”

I know how Peter felt in both instances. There are times when I am bold as a lion in my faith in Jesus, and then there are times when I am as timid as a new born lamb, and succumb to the fear of those who intimidate me with their false knowledge and empty proclamation that there is no God, except to the ignorant who need such fables. In my heart I stand firm. In my flesh I crumble. Thankfully Jesus knows my heart.

One of my favorite stories in the Bible is in John 21, when Jesus comes and ever so gently reconciles Peter to his heart. Not in a bold proclamation, but in a spirit of humility Peter speaks of his love and his loyalty to Jesus. It was his failures that produced his true humility. In that, he could truly follow and serve Jesus.

ANOTHER MISSED MIRACLE

(John 12:9-11)

Once again the chief priests missed the miracle. Jesus brought Lazarus back to life after he had been dead and buried for three days. Instead of responding in awe, they plotted to kill both Jesus and Lazarus! How blind and stupid can these guys be? Unfortunately I think the same kind of thing happens today. Many people just don’t see the miracles of everyday life, so they propagate death.

Why don’t people see the preciousness of life? Is it because we are totally surrounded by man-made things, inanimate objects, and machines that actually replace human beings? Even our “social network” is set up so that we never have to be in actual contact with another human being! How social is that, really?

We don’t have to be present anymore, to anyone. We live programmed, prepackaged, and predictable lives that don’t require much thought or creativity, as long as we have the right apps. Real life is a prehistoric thing of the past, a fossil no longer needed…so there is no need to see miracles and certainly no need for God, who is the creator of real life and the master crafter of miracles.

I certainly do not want to live in a world like that. I want a world of wonder and unexplained miracles. How can a dead seed become a live tree? How can a full grown person come from an egg and a sperm? How can life come from death? How can God continue to love us so much when we continually turn on him?

HOW ELSE CAN I RESPOND EXCEPT WITH LOVE?

It seems to me that salvation is simply coming into a personal relationship with Jesus and then beginning to walk on a different path. For some people that is a very dramatic experience because the path they have been on has been harmful to their soul. For others it might be less dramatic because their path has been good, but not necessarily fulfilling. The transformation comes when we become aware of how much God loves us. It doesn’t really matter how good or how bad we are, it’s the fact that God loves us and wants what is good for us. That changes everything.

Our response to that love and acceptance can only be repentance, a change of living for myself to living with and for God. We get hung up in doctrine and theological debate over words and ideas like saved, salvation, and born again. God isn’t interested in our doctrine or theology. He is interested in us and wants to love us and have us love him. God so loved the world that he gave his son. To me that is the ultimate love. How can I respond with anything but love in return?

WONDERFULLY ORDINARY

It is those who have had God act in their lives that have a story to tell, that are not fooled by this “we are living in a post Christian age” talk the world seems to be spouting these days. God understands broken things and helps to put them back together again. God works in everybody’s life. But it does seem to be the broken one’s who recognize the work of God. Those who are seeking something that transcends this ordinary life find it and then realize that God was at work all the time in their ordinary life, but they failed to notice it.

In this fast paced world it is easy to miss a lot of God’s works. We can get lost in the doing of things and miss what’s been done. We focus on feeding the poor, but often miss the stories the poor have to tell us. We build monuments to the famous, and consecrate some places as “Holy places” to make a pilgrimage to, but neglect to see the works of God right outside our windows. The sun rises, the sunsets, the starry moonlit nights, the clouds wisping by bringing rain or snow, the squirrels and birds coming for early morning breakfast, the hawks gliding for what seems like forever, without moving their wings. Life at its most ordinary, all works of God. When I take the time to be in God’s Presence, to let him touch my brokenness, and to reveal himself in all that surrounds me, I will be able to speak of marvelous things.

“But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works” (Psalm 73:28).

IT'S GOD'S LOVE THAT BRINGS FORTH REPENTANCE & YIELDS FORGIVENESS

John 8:1-11

In the story between Jesus and the woman caught in adultery I have mostly centered in on the interaction between the two of them. But this time, while reading it, I noticed the Scribes and the Pharisees. They generally come as a group to question, argue, or deny Jesus. They usually remain in charge of the interaction. This time something different happened. They were right in their assessment of the situation. The Law of Moses does say women caught in the act of adultery should be stoned to death. Jesus didn’t deny that. But he did say something different. He wrote something in the ground, gave them the OK to do that, with the stipulation, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” Then the miracle happened, bigger than any one he had previously done…”they went away, one by one, beginning with the older ones.”

They HEARD him, not as a pack but as individuals, and one by one they walked away. They OBEYED him and did not carry out the Law. Something confronted and convinced these great religious leaders, who usually saw themselves free from sin, and would not allow any of them to throw that first stone. What was it that caused this amazing reaction? Did they somehow see that they were as guilty of sin as this woman; were there secrets hiding somewhere beneath their robes of righteousness that no one but God could have known?

We can never know what Jesus wrote in the ground. But it is certainly one of those questions I want to ask when I see him face to face someday. What was it that he said that broke through the pride and arrogance of these religious leaders, these men? What was it that hit each one individually, starting from the oldest one, that got right to the root and dispelled the Law they as a group were the defenders of? What did Jesus write on the ground that touched the heart of these men and saved this woman’s live and eventually her soul? Only God’s love can break up the fallow ground of a soul.

Maybe that is what Jesus was writing in the ground. Maybe he was writing moments that these religious men knew God’s love for them. That was what awakened the Pope when St. Francis encountered him. The Pope remembered a sweet, more innocent and simpler time before the affairs of the church overwhelmed him; a tender moment when he knew God’s love and it warmed his heart.

That is the most important ministry of those who love God and follow Jesus. Pointing them to God’s love; not condemning, not judging; but being light and salt, creating a hunger and a thirst for God.