A REFLECTION OF GOD

God said to Moses, “I AM who I AM.”  It was enough for God to simply BE.  Jesus amplifies the attributes of God recorded in the Gospel of John.  I AM

The bread of life; I AM the light of the world; I AM the good shepherd; I AM the Resurrection and the life; I AM the true vine; I AM the Way, the Truth, and the Life.  Jesus brought form to the BEING and reflected who God was and is to the world.  God is seen in other ways as well; the Law reflects God; nature reflects God; in a sense we reflect God to one another when we are living as His children, in His will, and in His obedience.

When I think about how I see God I think about my Grandpa DeWitt.  He is one of the most important people in my life, the one I looked up to and respected the most.  In many ways he personifies my image of God.  He was a big man who carried a presence of sternness and one who is to be obeyed, and yet was the most kind and loving men I know.  He silently commanded respect when he walked into a room; and he got it.  I learned that healthy feeling of fear and reverence by knowing him and spending time with him.  I never wanted to displease him, not out of being afraid of him, but by loving him so very much.

That special bond between us started even before I was born.  My mom’s stories are full of times with him while she was pregnant.  My dad was in the Navy and overseas, so Grandpa spent a lot of time with my mom.  After I was born he kept both of us company.  I had colic as an infant and he would hold me on his big belly to keep me from crying; I spent many hours nestled in his arms next to his heart, as he let my mom have some time alone or to do things that needed to be done. 

When I got old enough to know him I spent many hours just hanging out with him.  He would take me with him when he ran errands; we would sit on the couch in his house and play Bear Hunt, or sing silly songs; he would let me sit with him while he played the piano; we would walk around his back yard and in the grape arbor, where he showed me how to peel and eat concord grapes right off the vine.  I simply loved being with him and I knew he felt the same.  But, in all that love and laughter I also knew he was to be listened to, respected, and obeyed.

I received his “famous” flick of his finger on my hand if I did something wrong at the dinner table.  One day he caught me and my friend throwing stones down on the train as it went under the bridge where we were standing.  He happened to be driving over the bridge at the exact moment we were doing something we knew we shouldn’t be doing.  He stopped, put me in his car and took me home where I sat before him as he scolded me for my behavior and told me why it was wrong.  In the end the main concern was not my behavior but that I had displeased him.  I cried and told him how truly sorry I was and he took me up onto his lap, hugged me, and said, “It’s ok, but don’t do it again.”  That was the only time I ever displeased him.  He died when I was nine years old.  I am sorry that I didn’t have him around in my life longer.  But my memories of our times together and the impact he had on my life keep him very present to me.

He is the prototype of God the Father to me.  The absolute love and the awe and reverence I feel for God came from my relationship I had with my Grandpa DeWitt.  I am blessed to have known him and loved him and I am grateful for the reflection of God that he was to me.

This is a poem I wrote 54 years after my Grandpa died.  I could still feel the hurt in my heart that I experienced during that sad time.

SOMETHING WAS WRONG

Something was wrong.

An early morning phone call

The chaplain in the living room

Mom crying and my father telling us to stay in our rooms

As he shut the doors.

The car ride was eerie.

Not our usual joy at taking a trip

Just a cold empty silence

I kept watching mom trying to see some sign of life

There was none.

We arrived at grandpas.

All my aunts and uncles and cousins were there

My parents went silently into the house, tears and hugs

My brother and I were told to go play out in the yard with our cousins

Something was missing.

The grown ups were gathered.

The kids went into the kitchen

The counters were piled high with casseroles, cakes, and cookies

We knew not to touch them, went back outside of the house that was

Filled but empty.

We slept in the living room.

The morning brought light into the house

All the grown ups left, dressed in black

The kids stayed to play and simply told to behave

Hide and go seek.

The grown ups returned

The air was heavy

Their faces were tear stained and pale, no joy in their eyes

The food was put out and filled the house with wonderful aromas

Where was grandpa?

May 2010